3 Types of Conversations That Separate Good Communicators From Great Ones
Forget scripts. Learn to spot, shape, and show up for the real power plays in conversations.
by Henna Pryor
You know that moment when someone says the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time? It’s not just awkward—it’s costly. Because as, communication expert and Exactly What to Say author Phil M. Jones wrote, “The worst time to think about what you’re going to say is in the moment you’re saying it.”
That’s not just about rehearsing the right words. It’s about something deeper: intentionally preparing for the moments that matter most. Jones and I recently spoke about what it really takes to become a more influential communicator, and it starts way before you open your mouth.
Most leaders miss the moment
Too often, leaders think the big-impact moments are the all-hands meetings or client pitches. According to Jones, however, what influences lives is what he calls “micro-moments,” the 60-to-90-second slivers of conversation in which impressions are formed and trust is won or lost.
Those moments tend to be hiding inside the big ones. It’s not the entire performance review that matters but how you open the conversation. It’s not the full sales call but the curiosity in the first question you ask.
The three types of critical conversations to master
To raise your conversation game, Jones recommends getting intentional about three types of conversations:
Personal
These are the relationship-nourishing chats: the check-ins, the reconnections, the hard-but-worth-it talks that keep partnerships strong.Leadership
These include giving feedback, aligning vision, or repairing trust. Especially now, with fewer natural hallway run-ins, these must be created on purpose.Commercial
The high-stakes business moments—sales, negotiations, collaborations—when preparation makes or breaks the outcome.
Each requires different energy, timing, and tone. The common thread you should consider for all three types: Pre-brief, don’t just debrief. Stop playing Monday morning quarterback. Plan for the play before the game.
Social muscle meets conversation mastery
This advice dovetails perfectly with something I’ve been researching: social muscle atrophy at work. With fewer in-person moments, people are losing their edge at initiating meaningful conversations. Many of those hallway chats are gone. Coffee line banter might happen on the occasional office day at best.
What does that mean for you? If you’re not building rituals and buffers to initiate and hold real conversations, you’re losing influence. As Jones says, “You can’t just Slack someone ‘Got a minute?’ and expect it to land.” You have to create what he calls a “lily pad,” a pre-moment you control. That could be a 10-minute transition before a feedback convo or a standing Friday chat with your partner, like I have with my husband.
It’s a structure that builds safety, and saves the important stuff from falling through the cracks. Think of it as like stretching before a workout. You don’t want to pull a conversational hamstring.
Preparation sets you free
Some people push back on the idea of pre-planning critical conversations. They worry it’ll make them robotic. But as Jones says, “You can’t perform and edit at the same time. Preparation is what allows you to be present.”
It’s the same principle I teach speakers and professionals who present as part of their jobs: Rehearse so well you can go off-script. It’s not about being rigid, but about caring enough to bring your best self to the moment.
One behavior shift to try this week
Pick one of each: a personal, a leadership, and a commercial conversation you know you need to have. Now ask yourself:
What’s the real moment inside that moment?
How can I prepare the other person to be open to it?
What question, tone, or buffer will set up both of us to succeed?
When it comes to engaging in an important conversation, don’t wait to react. Lead with intention. If you want more impact, don’t just change your message. Change your moment.