Wise Leaders Cultivate a Healthy Inner Circle

It always concerns me when I hear a leader or business person say “I am a self made man” or “I am a self made woman.” No person achieves success or to the pinnacle of significance by doing it all by themselves, being the Lone Ranger.

The ancient wise king Solomon said thousands of years ago:

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.”

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.”

Every Olympic athlete has a coach, every student, a teacher, every company a board of directors, every world-class leader, an “Inner Circle.” I learned this important leadership truth from Dr. John Maxwell and Dr. Tim Elmore. But more importantly, they taught me how to build relationships with the right people to fill me with the “Emotional Fuel” I needed to grow as a leader, a businessman, father and husband.

The more successful I became, the more I needed people of integrity to speak into my life, to keep me on course for my calling in life.  The success journey can derail the successful leader. Success may cause us to ignore our weaknesses, create a busy-ness where we charge ahead like the Titanic, or money, power and popularity can puff up our ego, inflating our sense of being invincible.  A solid inner circle helps us navigate and avoid these pitfalls.

Having good people of integrity regularly speak into your life can prevent not only personal disasters and burn out, but help you accelerate success by growing you as a healthy, teachable, realistic and humble leader.

Many leaders believe that one mentor or coach is sufficient in life. My learning from Dr. Elmore has taught me differently. Adapting his work on “Emotional Fuel, I believe a leader should have a solid inner circle of at least 7 kinds of people in their lives. As one builds his/her inner circle, remember that some of your closest confidantes may be found in more than one role. Let’s briefly review the seven roles.

1. Heroes These are people who you look up to. They may be living or dead. Their lives embody the character, attitudes, leadership and significance that you admire and possibly want to emulate. You may find you are reading books on their lives to learn how to live your life. Some of my heroes are Dr. John Maxwell, Dwight Hill, Mother Teresa, Kong Hee, and Bono of U2.
2. Coaches or Models These people are experts or ‘leaders of excellence’ in areas of your life you want to improve on and you learn how to grow from these competency experts. These areas could be skill improvement, mastery tactics or techniques, or learning processes that you want to employ as a leader in your life. Some of my model/coaches are Jeffrey Gitomer in sales mastery, Tim Elmore in public speaking, Patrick Morley in being a good dad, Dr. Kaplan and Dr. Norton in Performance Management and Boyd Au in entrepreneurship.
3. Mentors Mentors are leaders in your life that have grown and demonstrated how to lead a life of wholesome significance. You are their disciples. Yes, they listen, teach, guide, coach and possibly discipline you to live a life of developing and growing healthy relationships. These people are difficult to find.  Some of my mentors have been Dwight Hill, 2^nd grade teacher Mrs. Doran, Mok Sian Tuan, Pastor Michael Shepard and Pastor Derek Dunn.
4. Accountability Partners Many times, accountability partners can be peers, doctors, religious leaders or mentors. These people in your life help keep you accountable in an area of your life where there is a weakness or failure, or you need to get to the next level. Most likely they have also successfully ‘failed forward’ in your area of weakness, or have strength or experience in preventing disaster. Some areas one may want an accountability partner are in personal finance, anger, or addictions. Another area may be in keeping fit, like a morning running or cycling partner to be able to run that marathon or complete that triathlon.  My AP’s have been Tan Buck Chye, Pastor Jeremy Choy, and my wife Joyce for keeping me fit!
5. Coachees These are people who come to you to learn a specific set of skills or competence to help them get to the next level as a leader in their organization or community. You coach them with specific goals and time lines. Currently, I coach Rachit Vyas, Linh Pham, Cassie Goh and Sophie He among others.
6. Mentees Here we are mentors to others. We are giving ‘emotional fuel,’ to guide and help others in their journey to lead a life of integrity and fulfillment. Many times as a mentor we may be helping the mentee in discovering their calling or purpose in life. We may be regularly listening and guiding them as they get married, build a family, or navigate the ‘rat race.’ A mentor can be for a lifetime or through a specific stage of life. Currently, I mentor Manish Harsora, Anne Manning, Dr. Mali, my daughters, and many of the interns that have worked at Equipping Leaders for Asia.
7. Inner Circle These inner circle people are the most important in your life. They are people who know you inside and out, love you for who you are warts and all. They are deeply committed to you, your calling, and participate with you make life changing decisions or overcome problems in your life. Many times you find these people in the other six roles. My Inner Circle consists of my wife Joyce, Dwight Hill, Pinkesh Kapadia, Fatma Sari and Jenny Chng.

Do you have a complete holistic Inner Circle in your life? Why not download the Emotional Fuel Matrix and map out the leaders in your life that will support and nurture your growth to significance? One point, if you find some roles not filled, then think of whom you might ask to fulfill this role in your life and write it down on the matrix as well.

Bono of U2 once sang about his father “Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own.” As a leader on the journey to significance, we know that we make it not on our own, but with healthy people who fill us with our Emotional Fuel!