Fail Forward Coaching - What I Learned Coaching at an Addiction Rehab Centre
By Michael J Griffin
6-minute read
Over the past three months, I have been training and coaching about 18 recovering drug addicts in a rehab centre in Malaysia. This very meaningful experience taught me a lot about coaching people who have failed. Their failure has impacted their physical, emotional and mental health, their family and friend relationships, with a lack of clarity on how to re-enter society. Their addiction may seem like a train wreck, but with professional care and life coaching, they can begin the journey of complete recovery and a new life. As leaders, we will have to coach others through failure to “recover” or as Dr. John Maxwell says to “Fail Forward.” Let’s review what I have learned from my experience at the rehab centre.
Have a Non-Judgmental Attitude. Approach the coaching relationship with a non-judgmental mindset. It has been said, “Love the sinner, but hate the sin.” Focus on understanding the person's perspective and helping them learn from their failures rather than assigning blame or criticizing their actions.
Build a Trusting Relationship. Establish an atmosphere of trust, respect, and confidentiality. You have failed in life as well. Be humble to realize you have made past failures in your life with the support of others. Show compassion to create a safe space where individuals feel comfortable sharing their experiences and challenges.
Employ Active Listening and Empathy. Follow the Marshal Goldsmith process of coaching other by asking good questions. Usually, open questions work best to undercover the what, why and how of their current and past life. Show sincere empathy of the person's experience of failure without judgment. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their emotions, thoughts, and concerns. Be careful here to not encourage (by your empathy) the person’s desire to blame others or sugarcoat impact.
Understand Addiction and Recovery. Educate yourself about addiction, its underlying causes, and the recovery process. This knowledge will help you better understand the unique needs and struggles of individuals in recovery or failure. The problems you coach on may not be “addiction” but you need to learn about how personalities, relationships, and possible past hurts or abuse contribute a person’s failure.
Build Resilience. I started every session with the addicts telling each other “I have failed, but I am not a failure.” For many people who fail, they may have a sense of shame. In your own way, it is always important to signal to the person who has failed “You are worthy.” People who fail are fragile. Help them to discover how they can become “Antifragile” based on the insights of Nassim Taleb’s book by the same name. Help the individual develop resilience, teaching them to view their failures as stepping stones that lead to new success.
Focus on Strengths. Highlight and reinforce the strengths, talents, and motivations of individuals who have failed. Encourage them to identify their personal strengths and support them in leveraging those strengths to overcome life, relational and work challenges. Using the DISC Motivator Profile or similar is an excellent way to provide “proof” they are worthy and have the competence and motivation to “fail forward” to success in life. Profiles also help them to see what to avoid in life – jobs that don’t fit and triggers of negative emotions. Encourage individuals to explore and discover their own competence, motivations, values, and purpose in life. Help them develop a sense of self-responsibility and accountability for their choices and actions. This will support their need to take responsibility for their actions and grow humility.
Set a Realistic Vision & Goals. Collaborate with the individual to establish a realistic vision and aligned with achievable goals on their “fail forward” journey. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to foster a sense of accomplishment and progress. This inspires those who fail to have a more positive vision of the future and step-by-step (daily and monthly) goals to achieve success – one day at a time.
Get Buy-in to Read or do Homework. Try to assign some relevant reading or self-leadership activities between the times you meet. This gives the person different insights and time to reflect or digest knowledge and process beyond what you reveal during “fail forward” coaching. And while you are at it read Maxwell’s book “Failing Forward!”
Be Authentic and Vulnerable. As coaches and leaders, we too have all failed in some aspects of our lives. Sharing your stories of failure, trials, and how you overcame them is an important component of authentic coaching. I use the STAR process to share: Situation and background, Task or goals, Actions I take, and the Results from “Failing Forward.” Show you have walked the “Fail Forward” talk.
Failure is part of life. Master these 9 steps of coaching people through failure to help them rebound for future success! Be a coach that makes a difference! Contact me if you want to learn more about our ELAvate Coaching Certification or becoming “Antifragile.”
michael.griffin@elavateglobal.com
Michael J Griffin
CEO and Founder of ELAvate
A Coach who has Failed!
Maxwell Leadership Founder and Coach