Successful Dealmakers Know How to Be Like Water

Overcome obstacles by following the principles of water.

By Ken Sterling

One of the most important skills I learned growing up came from martial arts -- stay liquid and fill the gaps. Being flexible will give you an edge in winning any match, whether you're fighting an opponent or brokering a deal.

When I was a kid, I learned this the hard way. I was tiny and looked wimpy. I got picked on, beaten up, and mugged. So Ma enrolled me in martial arts at the community center. We went there almost every night to take classes and use the showers. 

One night, my sensei talked about Bruce Lee -- and my world changed. Not only was Bruce Lee a great martial arts fighter, he was also a great teacher. This is what Bruce had to say about overcoming obstacles.

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

... If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot.... Be water, my friend.

As an attorney, top talent agent, mediator, and entrepreneur, I have seen some stubborn (and rigid) people succeed. But most of the time they fail. If you want to be a successful entrepreneur or deal maker, be like water: fluid, formless, and flow.

How to Be Like Water

In the context of dealmaking, "being like water" means adapting to changing circumstances and being flexible in your dealmaking style. Just as water can take on different forms depending on its environment, a skilled dealmaker must be able to adjust their approach based on the situation.

For tense negotiations

Suppose conversations are becoming tense and aggressive. The other party is making everything a dealbreaker. I was once trying to make a deal, and I kept hearing the word "won't." The other side kept saying, "We won't do this. We won't do that."

In that case, a dealmaker who is like water would choose to change the tone, become more conciliatory, ease tensions, and find a mutually beneficial outcome.

So, I acknowledged I heard what they said they wouldn't do. Then I started talking about points we both agreed on. Then I asked, "I'm curious, can you help me understand better if you won't do it... or you can't do it?"

By changing the tone, asking a clarifying question, and focusing on the points in the deal we had in common, we were able to get the negotiations on track and come to a compromise.

If we had both been stubborn, we would have walked away without a deal.

For stalled negotiations

Alternatively, some discussions may stall due to an impasse. An impasse can happen for any number of reasons. You might be waiting for more information, have a sticking point no one agrees on, or need someone else to decide.

Depending on how sophisticated the other side is, they may be testing you too. Sometimes, the takeaway of being stalled is that it's a test of how committed you are to the deal.

I remember years ago when my partners and I were selling a percentage of our company to KPMG. They were not moving, budging, or even responding. We were ghosted before it was even a thing.

One of my long-term mentors, who happened to be in the deal, said, "Hold on, wait it out. You can't push a thread." So we waited like still waters. They came back, and we got the deal done.

Alternatively, when you hit an impasse, be like water that finds a new crack or crevice. If you pivot, you can find a creative solution that addresses both parties' needs. 

For example, one time I was doing a deal and we just couldn't come to terms on one sticking point, no matter how much common ground we found. In this instance, the solution was to flow in a different way. I suggested we narrow the scope of the deal. The other client agreed, and we walked away with a smaller deal that made us both happy.

By adopting the mindset of being like water, dealmakers can increase their chances of success and create more positive outcomes for all the parties involved.

How have you been like water? I would love to hear your experiences.