Dads, Be the Leader For Your Children! (Part 1)

There’s a saying that “Kids always love Mom, but they follow Dad.”

Dads, you have great influence on your children’s success, their values, and how they go through the journey of life. Dads, you are the leaders who have the honor and responsibility to nurture your kids to be able to develop healthy relationships for success and significance in life. Your influence, example and love can be the catalyst to grow them into the successful leaders they have potential to be. What actions or practices can you, Dad, develop to lead and raise “Kids as Leaders?”

Below are the ‘Dad the Leader’ Applications that can assist you to be the Dad you want to be: raising kids who can lead, develop healthy relationship and achieve significance. I garnered many of these ideas from raising my two lovely daughters and learning from Dr. Patrick Morley, Dr. John Maxwell, Dr. Tim Elmore and Pastor Kong Hee. Let’s start!

Dad, My Hero

Your kids look to you to be their hero. Heroes offer protection because of their strength, love, integrity and courage. There is no doubt our children need protection today. We need to keep our kids safe and teach them how to interact and grow healthy relationships in a world that overloads them with information and choices. At home, Dads need to establish an environment where your kids can feel safe, loved, and find refuge. Let’s look at some ideas here.

Set Boundaries. Just like a seat belt in a car, we also need to set age appropriate boundaries that demonstrate our safety and protection for them. How?

1. Set “age appropriate” expectations and adjust them as kids grow in age and maturity;
2. Differentiate between mistakes, playful testing and willful defiance;
3. BIG IDEA! Know that kids, until they leave home, will always test the boundaries you set for them. For them, it may be a way to see if Dad really cares for me. When they test boundaries, don’t take it personally;
4. Expect first time obedience for principle-based boundaries. This avoids power struggles;
5. Ask your kids daily, how their day went. If you do this in a caring non-policeman fashion, they will allow you to explore areas of struggle with them.
6. Be their protector, hold their young hands when crossing the street, teaching them to ride a bike, explore their world and be there as “Daddy my Superman”;
7. With teens, remember that their decision-making skills are not fully matured. Excitement over consequences is big time and maybe, bigger blunders. Through the turmoil of teens, always let them know by your actions and words, you are there for them, and stand by them when they need guidance;
8. Heroes never tell their kids “You are not good enough.” Heroes nurture heroes, not losers; and
9. Read “Dad in the Mirror” by Pat Morley and David Delk.

Dad, the Leader

We, as fathers, are the leader of our family. We all want to “parent” our children to grow up to be successful. We can do this best by modeling. Kids are actually far more influenced by what we do each day than by what we say. Our own character and integrity will be the “default starting points” for our kids’ leadership development. Here are some ideas on what you can do to lead them.

1. BIG IDEA! Always show respect and love for their mother. Do not berate, argue or demean Mom. Be the knight in shining armor for your wife;
2. Always be truthful with your kids. This is immensely valuable as it builds their emotional bank account with dad because he is safe and can be trusted. This is very important so that your kids feel safe to come to you with their successes and problems;
3. Do a personal audit of what behaviors you model around the kids. What videos/TV do you watch, what games do you play, what language do you use?
4. Surveys of kids consistently tell us that dad’s anger, yelling or rage was the most unsettling behavior and drove them away from dad. What is your anger quotient?
5. Ask yourself this question. When your kids hear you arrive home, what do they do? Run away or run to you? AND what do you do? Interact, be available, or collapse and withdraw signaling, “Don’t bother me.”
6. Listen with full attention. Look them in the eye when they talk to you. Put the smartphone or iPad down. Get to their level;
7. Go out, without Mom, on a breakfast or lunch date with your kids once a month. Think of some good discussion questions you can ask and be prepared to listen and respond;
8. BIG IDEA! Take care of your own quiet time, meditation and prayer. Many kids will tell you later in life how your “soaking in quiet time” showed them you were authentic;
9. Help your kids discover (not push) what sports or extra-curricular activities they will like. Then be there to support them when they perform or compete. Show them you are proud of them; and
10. Gain insight and read “Nurturing the Leader Within Your Child” by Dr. Tim Elmore.

Stay tuned for the next post where I’ll be sharing the next 2 Applications on being the leader for your children!