4 Ways To Upskill Emotional Intelligence

By Vanessa Boettcher – Director TTISI

Mike’s Note: Vanessa is a director of TTSI and has been my friend for well over ten years. She is very skilled at EI and demonstrates it by her leadership and communication.EI is often referred to as “EQ.” ELAvate and TTISI collaborate to offer an EQ  profile for your leaders, salespeople and customer service people. Contact me for details and receive a 50% discount on these EQ profiles michael.griffin@elavateglobal.com You can download my sample EQ profile near the end of this blog.

Despite its increasing recognition in the workplace, emotional intelligence (EI) remains an often under-valued aspect of leadership. Particularly for women and younger leaders rising to positions of influence, its significance cannot be overstated. Navigating through a labyrinth of gender biases, evolving workplace paradigms, and diverse generational expectations demands a finely honed emotional acumen. This makes EI a critical skill for women in leadership to master as they consider upskilling priorities.

As a woman in leadership, the development of my own EI has played a key role in my career advancement, my health, and my personal relationship—which used to suffer the most due to the frustration I was experiencing at work.

Building EI has provided me with such clarity when making decisions that it has become a habit of mine to take time to think things through to find better solutions or answers. It has also helped me navigate a work environment dominated by men where women have not historically been as valued. While this is one of the hardest realities women in leadership have to face, I am much better at dealing with it in productive and impactful ways as my EI gets stronger.

Not only do leaders have to contend with EI on a personal level, but there is also the role that high EI plays in the perception of a company as a whole. In an era influenced by social media scrutiny, public opinion carries significant weight. Prospective employees scour platforms such as Glassdoor and ZipRecruiter, reading through reviews and hoping to get an idea of workplace dynamics. When feedback is negative, there is usually a recurring theme: the lack of emotionally intelligent leaders.

The cultivation of high EI shapes organizational culture and drives success in a company. Think about the best leaders you have worked with—the ones who empowered employees, motivated teams and built the bottom line. Chances are they had a high degree of emotional intelligence. Effective leadership hinges upon understanding team dynamics and adeptly navigating interpersonal complexities with empathy and insight.

Embracing EI as a cornerstone of leadership enables women to navigate challenges with finesse, fostering environments where individuals thrive and organizations flourish. Here are actionable steps to build your EI:

Self-awareness

The journey towards effective leadership begins with self-awareness, which is a foundational pillar of emotional intelligence. By understanding your emotional responses to diverse stimuli, you can preemptively thwart reactive impulses that threaten professional decorum.

This process entails identifying blind spots and unraveling the intricate tapestry of your emotional landscape. Regularly assess and acknowledge your emotional responses in various situations. Identify triggers and blind spots to gain deeper insights into your emotional landscape. It’s easy to connect an emotional response to the situation at hand, but sometimes the frustration goes deeper or might be tied to another event unrelated to the one you’re experiencing.

Feedback from others can be a powerful tool for self-awareness. (I find that usually, the feedback that makes me uncomfortable is what gives me the most awareness.) Another effective, but challenging, tool is to try to remain present in every interaction. Your awareness will shift when you listen and stop multitasking.

Self-regulation

Self-regulation empowers leaders to govern their emotional expressions with finesse. Recognizing the onset of emotional turbulence necessitates the dexterity to hit pause, recalibrate, and approach challenges with clarity. Decisions forged without emotional entanglement will help you foster an environment of objectivity, bolstering trust and integrity within your team. Try practicing mindfulness techniques to manage emotional impulses effectively. Pause and reflect before reacting, ensuring responses align with your own professional goals and organizational objectives.

Work on identifying when it is time to stop a conversation, even for a couple of minutes. Pausing an interaction in a diplomatic way when it is not going anywhere will go a long way to resolving the situation effectively. When you are irritated about an interaction or a message, let it go for a couple of hours or even days before you reply. Don’t reply while you are feeling upset. Learn to set boundaries—this is an important part of working on self-regulation.

Remember that people's actions are rarely about you. This reframe can help to avoid taking things personally and to keep a cool head during a dialogue. Also request feedback from people who work closely with you and whom you admire. It is an excellent tool for self-regulation as well.

Social Awareness

Building your understanding of the perspectives of others is a powerful step in building EI. When interacting with others, it is easy to misunderstand their communication preferences. If you pay attention to the nonverbal messages people give you and modify your communication style accordingly, you’ll see increased success in your working relationship with them. If you fail to observe how others are feeling about what you are saying or how you are coming across, you may miss the opportunity to connect and make an impact. Your message may get lost and the connection will be gone.

Try putting yourself in the spot of the person you are talking to. It’s easy to forget that life is different for each of us. It is extremely helpful to understand how people feel about a topic, regardless of your own views and opinions. If you approach each situation with a genuine curiosity and desire to understand more about the other people in the room, you’ll find that it changes the interaction completely.

Foster empathy by actively listening to and understanding the diverse perspectives of those on your team. Empathy serves as the compass guiding leaders toward equitable solutions and fostering a culture of empowerment. Cultivate an inclusive environment where every team member feels valued and heard.

Social Regulation

At the zenith of EI lies social regulation—the art of positively influencing others through authentic communication and genuine concern for their well-being. By cultivating meaningful connections, leaders lay the foundation for collaboration and sustainable outcomes.

To do this well, start by reflecting on how past interactions have played out for you—if they went how you intended, what did you do and when they did not go well, what did you do that you should avoid? Were you experiencing an outside situation that impacted how you interacted in that moment?

In this step, it is also important to seek feedback because it’s easy to do things without realizing how you are coming across, especially for those who tend to work quickly and multitask. When someone is expressing their feelings to you about a situation, practice active listening and avoid doing anything else. This will help you manage a positive outcome and leave that person feeling heard and understood. Remain open to hearing other perspectives; more than likely, you will be surprised at what you can learn.

Humans are complex. It’s OK not to click with everyone since we are all very different, but when you are faced with someone hard for you to deal with, try to find one positive aspect about that person and avoid making judgments during interactions with them. This will help decrease any aversion you may feel and reframe the situation.

By building the skill of EI into your leadership approach, you will not only enhance your effectiveness, but you’ll also inspire positive change within your organization and beyond.

Download a sample of my EQ profile here. Remember to contact me to receive a 50% discount on your DISC EI profile. michael.grifin@elavateglobal.com

Michael J Griffin
ELAvate CEO and Founder
TTISI Consultant since 1997
Executive 6E Coach